Tag: dopamine


  • What’s Been Blasting In My Headphones This Year

    Probably conceived to Dark Side of the Moon. Definitely delivered to Maniac. Music has been my whole deal since before I could even choose it. These are the 25 songs that have been carrying me through 2026 so far, and honestly, some of them would shock the old me. That’s kind of the point.

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  • 2025, the year I will discover my baseline

    2025 is the year I strip everything away to find my true mental health baseline. No alcohol. No cannabis. No kratom. No nicotine. No caffeine. No dopamine chasing. Just me, my brain, and the hard questions I’ve been avoiding for years. I want to know who I am without numbing, without escape, without outsourcing fear…

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  • I made it 7 days, 23 hours and ten minutes without smoking weed

    Almost 8 days. Then anxiety won, Roxy showed up, and I burned one down. My body hated it. Pulse in the low 100s, miserable, high, and uncomfortable for hours. I also injured my ankle trying to walk the anxiety out beforehand. Cowboy talked me off the shame ledge and reminded me I’m doing my best.…

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  • A day of anxiety waves and cravings

    Anxiety waves, boundary violations, cravings. I walked 4.26mph tonight trying to get the war out of my system. Behind every craving I’ve ever had is the same thing: an anxiety/fear part that Roxy will do anything to protect. She’s a dopamine girl, and she’s exhausted. Part of my 2025 work is figuring out how to…

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