Apexis is my inner programming language based upon self-love
APEXIS CHANGE LOG
Apexis v1.0 - 2/4/26
CODE DEVELOPED AND PUBLISHED
Apexis is my programming language, based on self-love, that starts interpreted and recompiles hot paths with progressively tighter optimizations as they prove themselves through repetition – the compiler witnesses before it commits.
Deoptimization is graceful and non-punitive; when a hot path hits something unexpected, Apexis steps back to the interpreted tier without crashing, then tries again.
Every function carries a live confidence score you can inspect, because the runtime has nothing to hide.
I am here to only be me.
And, I am still love.
Today:
I am living in Bellingham, Washington, on the ancestral and unceded territory of the Nooksack, Lummi, and other Coast Salish peoples.
I am acknowledging their enduring presence and stewardship of this land and waters.
I am holding responsibility for how I live here with respect, awareness, and care.
Today:
I am responding only to the name Tukayote Helianthus.
I am aligning as a finsexual, masculine presenting, feminine natured, AMAB, non-binary, and queer person.
I am using he/they pronouns.
I am practicing ethical relationship anarchy with multiple connections, on all levels, built entirely on unconditional love.
And I am still love.
Today:
I am seeing with my own two eyes that I am love, unbelievably strong love, resilient love, unkillable love, and completely unstoppable love.
I am becoming completely unrecognizable from the person I was in my past.
I am accepting that I am beautifully imperfect and deliciously flawed.
I am doing my best always AND I am making new mistakes unintentionally.
I am learning from previous mistakes and I am not repeating them.
I am living with grace regardless.
I am keeping my current identity and never losing myself again.
I am trusting myself to never break my own heart again.
I am rising from the ashes of life hurting me, keep coming back for more, and I am always stronger and wiser as a result.
I am understanding that I am not broken and never have been.
I am existing knowing that I am enough, always, exactly as I am.
I am realizing and mindfully containing my power.
I am controlling myself.
I am knowing that I am lovable and worthy of love exactly as I am.
I am accepting who I am, radically.
I am being loved by many.
I am loving myself, unconditionally.
I am sharing my love and heart with everyone unconditionally.
I am enjoying dating myself and I am absolutely my type.
And I am still love.
Today:
I am standing accountable for my past and present behaviors and decisions, by not repeating my mistakes and any old toxic patterns.
I am owning my past and present behaviors and decisions, immediately and completely.
I am making amends, where I can, with people I have hurt or harmed with my behaviors and decisions, past or present.
I am acting conscientously and humanely with my freedom.
I am protecting my agency.
I am showing up honestly with myself and others.
I am choosing ethical behavior in how I treat people.
I am living in integrity with myself.
I am honoring and living by my values and morals.
I am being mindful, respectful, humane, and responsible with my choices and decisions, moving forward.
And I am still love.
Today:
I am living alone and cherishing my solitude.
I am electing to be independent.
I am enjoying full autonomy.
I am feeling free as a bird from my old toxic patterns and behaviors.
I am obligating myself to nobody.
I am attaching securely to the people in my life.
I am choosing to be slow burning in deeper bonds.
I am being deliberate with romance and intimacy.
And I am still love.
Today:
I am building a life I want, need, and deserve.
I am advancing my life forward every day.
I am discovering my true identity and completely killing my old one.
I am creating space for the right things to fill my life.
I am living my life with fierce tenacity, to the fullest.
I am improving my situation and experience, continuously.
I am choosing my condition to be happy and at peace with myself.
I am ending my self-hatred and internal shame.
I am pouring self-love into myself.
I am removing and denying access to people who hold me back from living my life, the way I want.
And I am still love.
Today:
I am improving humanity and my relationships by completely eliminating my toxic patterns, and replacing them with healthy ones.
I am maintaining my promises and commitments.
I am setting boundaries and keeping them.
I am communicating my struggles, challenges, wants, needs, and feelings, openly and promptly, instead of avoiding them and holding them in.
I am sticking to healthy interdepedence.
I am being real, not performative.
I am trusting others to manage their own lives and decisions.
I am holding others accountable for their decisions and the consquences they have earned and deserve.
I am denying access to those who hurt me on purpose.
I am believing the actions of people instead of their words.
I am keeping those who are peaceful and hold my heart with care.
I am learning about and healing my trauma responses.
I am saying “NO” abruptly to things that I do not want to participate in.
I am choosing to be on an employment sabbatical.
And I am still love.
Today:
I am recovering as a sober man and abstaining from all drugs and alcohol.
I am choosing behaviors that do not reinforce other people’s addictions.
I am mentoring and supporting those who are pursuing recovery and sobriety.
I am walking a new path of emotional sobriety.
I am detoxing emotionally.
I am protecing myself emotionally and physically from people who abuse me.
I am being mindful of and I am disengaging from unsafe, impulsive, and compulsive urges.
I am controlling my emotions and feelings.
I am managing all of my mental health challenges.
I am listening to and regulating my nervous system.
I am experiencing self-awareness.
I am working with my internal family system and all my parts.
I am facing my shadows and I am tending to them as I discover them.
I am following my operating system and mantras.
I am freeing myself from my mental poisons.
I am obeying the law and my personal ethics.
And I am still love.
Today:
I am a certified peer-supporter.
I am a certified mental-health first-aider.
I am a long-distance walker.
I am a traveler.
I am a hiker.
I am outdoorsy.
I am a photographer.
I am a dancer.
I am a writer.
I am a music enthusiast.
I am a disabled USAF veteran.
And I am still love.
Today:
I am a father.
I am a brother.
I am a cousin.
I am an uncle.
I am a nephew.
I am an adult orphan.
I am a human being.
And I am still love.
Today:
I am giving my love generously.
I am loving everyone, without conditions, equally.
I am protecting myself by having no-contact with some people I love.
I am maintaining my love, with boundaries, with those who have hurt me or left my life.
And I am still love.
Today:
I am loving myself with grace, through my mistakes, instead of punishing, shaming, and numbing myself.
I am allowing myself to grieve my losses.
I am letting my tears out instead of bottling them up.
I am feeling my feelings without numbing or avoiding them.
I am attaching without fear of abandonment, rejection, or loss of love.
I am practicing self-alignment, instead of collapse.
I am releasing my anger and rage in healthy, non-destructive, non-harmful ways whenever I feel it building.
And I am still love.
Today:
I am experiencing gratitude for everyone, everything, and every experience I have had in life, even the negative ones.
I am living my best life and I am lucky to have wonderful people living it with me.
I am journeying on the most fantastic adventure in life I have ever been on.
And I am still love.
Today:
I am love.
I am strong love. I am resilient love. I am unkillable love.
I am becoming unrecognizable from the person you used to know and a lot more than people can handle.
I am now authentically and genuinely who I really am at the core, for A LOT OF reasons people may never understand.
I AM SOBER AND IN RECOVERY FROM ALCOHOL/DRUG ABUSE AND MENTAL HEALTH CHALLENGES.
I am unpopular with people because I am my true self for once.
I am being accountable for harms I have caused by not repeating my mistakes and patterns, and making amends where I can.
I am deeply committed to never change any part of who I am at the core, ever, for anyone, or any reason.
I am truly happy with who I am now, even if people aren’t.
People can’t stop me from loving them, even if they don’t love me, because Unconditional means unconditional.
PEOPLE CANNOT CONTROL ME, PRESSURE ME, OR MANIPULATE ME ANYMORE AND I WILL ELIMINATE ANYONE OR ANY SOURCE OF THESE UNHEALTHY AND HARMFUL PATTERNS, COMPLETELY AND IMMEDIATELY.