2KVYOT3.L0VE

Tukayote Helianthus v2

Walking away from suffering.
Walking towards love.
With intention.

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TuOS v8.1 Bovidae

TuOS v8.1 Change Log

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What is TuOS?

This manifesto is my personal Operating System named TuOS.

My firewall, my governance, my rules, my love, my neurodivergence. How I make decisions. How my brain works. How I run.

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Waist deep in seaweed just to get the shot.

I am leading my life only from a place of unconditional love and acceptance.

I am living with these boundaries.
I am living with these rules.

I am living with intention.
I am practicing self-love and being self-aware.
I am protecting myself and my healing.

I am owning my mistakes.
I am demonstrating accountability.
I am living my amends.

I am choosing less suffering for myself and others.

Every.
Single.
Day.

TUOS_Directory.idx

But, first, let’s cue up a symbolic soundtrack

1. RELEASE NOTES

TL;DR

Moving forward:

I am following this manifesto, to the letter, to the best of my abilities, at all times, and without compromise or negotiation.

I am living and loving a life of solitude, free from the fear of being alone that used to drive every destructive pattern I am actively eliminating.

I am leading with love in everything I do.

I am living according to this operating system.

I am ethically building the life I want and need.

I am completely sober from drugs and alcohol.

I am grieving everything, in full, sober, as it comes.

I am owning my mistakes.

I am making amends by demonstrating accountability for the harms I have caused, by never repeating my old harmful patterns.

I am protecting myself from harm.

I am treating myself with the same love and compassion I give to others.

I am honoring and preserving who I am at the core.

I am unkillably and tenaciously alive.

I am unstoppably pursuing love, life, freedom, health, and happiness.

I am choosing people who do not increase the stigmas and suffering I already live with.

I am denying access to anyone who knowingly increases my suffering.

I am leaving the conversation when my concerns are met with blame, denial, or threats.

I am listening to and witnessing others instead of rushing to fix them, solve their problems, rescue them, or give unsolicited advice.

I am aware of the mask I wear to protect my neurodivergence and I am choosing to remove the mask and be authentically who I am, but only when it feels safe to do so.

I am aware of my neurodivergence and as such how my nervous system reacts to perceived threats to my autonomy and/or threats to my ability to choose, I am pausing when I need to, and I am communicating this vulnerability with people close to me.

Every decision I make runs through a decision matrix designed to protect my emotional health, my conscience, and the life I am building. That matrix lives in section 3 of this document. The purpose of that matrix is to reduce or eliminate knowingly causing or increasing suffering for myself and others.

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Deuces.

2. REGISTERED TRADEMARK

My Legal And Chosen Name

Moving forward:

My legal name is Tukayote Helianthus. I created it and chose it with love in 2023.

I pronounce my name “Two-ky-oh-tee He-lee-ann-thuhs.”

You are welcome to call me Tu for short.

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Hi, I am Tukayote.

My previous name was Matthew Seann Gustke. I changed it for a personal reason that I keep private. My chosen name is personal as well.

I ask that you not use Matt, Matthew, or Gustke to address me.

I only allow people in my life who respect my chosen name and current identity.

Thank you for understanding and honoring this.

3. DECISION MATRIX

I AM ONLY MAKING DECISIONS THAT DO NOT KNOWINGLY CAUSE OR INCREASE THE SUFFERING OF MYSELF OR OTHERS
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Moving forward:

Regulation Check

  • Am I regulated enough right now to trust my answers to these questions? Am I making this decision while lonely, tired, triggered, or flooded?
  • Am I in Self, or is a part driving this? Am I in the 8 C’s: calm, curious, clear, compassionate, confident, courageous, creative, connected?
  • Is a protector part grabbing the wheel out of fear, or is something here genuinely wrong?
  • Am I letting an exile’s unmet need make this decision for me?
  • Is my nervous system activated by a perceived demand or pressure, or a perceived threat to my autonomy?

Core Check

  • Is this an enthusiastic yes?
  • Is this being done from a place of love?
  • Is this actually something I really want to do?
  • What am I hoping will happen versus what is actually most likely? Am I rationalizing?

Emotional Cost

  • Will this give me stress?
  • Will this give me anxiety?
  • Will this give me regret?
  • Will this give me resentment?
  • Will this leave me with guilt?
  • Will this lead to shame?
  • Will this light my nervous system on fire?
  • Will this increase my suffering or the suffering of others?
  • Will this require me to mask my neurodivergence and lead to burnout, emotional exhaustion, or extreme fatigue?

Integrity & Alignment

  • Is this in integrity with my morals, my values, my ethics, and my operating system TuOS?
  • Is this aligned with living my amends?
  • Is this emotionally and chemically sober?
  • Is this honest?
  • Does this improve my situation and improve humanity?
  • Would the version of me I am becoming be proud of this choice?

Pattern Check

  • Am I doing this just to fill a void or avoid a truth or shadow?
  • Am I repeating my old comfortable and familiar toxic patterns by doing this?
  • Am I doing this to people-please or from other codependent patterns?
  • Am I holding onto this out of fear of loss, rejection, abandonment, being alone, or anything else?
  • Will this enable other people’s manipulative or toxic patterns?
  • Will this create opportunities for others to shame or emotionally harm me?
  • Am I only doing this to mask my neurodivergence?
  • Am I falling into a pattern of persistent drive for autonomy?

Relational Integrity

  • If this involves others: is my effort and time being reciprocated? Am I being valued? Am I being shown gratitude?
  • Am I giving more than I am willing to sustain long-term, not just right now?
  • Am I taking more than I am giving?

Future Self

  • Will this prevent or get in the way of me living my dreams, achieving my goals, and having the life I am building?
  • Am I going to lose more than I gain by doing this?
  • Does this reduce my suffering over the long term?

4. FIREWALL

I AM ESTABLISHING AND KEEPING BOUNDARIES WITH MYSELF AND OTHERS TO REDUCE EVERYONE’S SUFFERING
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I won’t take any shit from anyone, including myself.
Moving forward:

What I am walking away from:

I am walking away from those who cause or increase my suffering.

I am walking away from making decisions that cause or increase the suffering of myself or others.

I am walking away from addiction.

I am walking away from poisons.

I am walking away from what has destroyed me.

What I am choosing:

I am leading my life with love.

I am staying where I am safe.

I am staying where I am respected.

I am staying where I am valued.

I am choosing healthy employment relationships.

I am choosing healthy relationships.

I am choosing situations that provide me growth.

I am keeping people who are safe with me.

I am keeping ties to what is good for me.

I am keeping the door open to peace and harmony.

I am staying with things that help me thrive.

I am keeping things that bring me peace.

I am protecting my sanity.

I am educating myself about my neurodivergence.

I am choosing situations that are compatible with my neurodivergence.

I am protecting my neurodivergence.

I am choosing less suffering for myself and others.

How I am showing up:

I am facing discomfort while being true to myself.

I am facing aloneness while staying emotionally safe.

I am loving myself and being true to who I am.

I am establishing new healthy patterns by learning from the ones that have hurt me and others.

I am learning lessons as quickly as possible.

I am making ethical and humane decisions.

I am growing and evolving even when it is not popular with others.

I am keeping people who respect my choices and the work I am doing.

I am unmasking my neurodivergence when it is safe to do so.

I am using a decision making matrix to reduce the suffering of myself and others.

How I am protecting myself:

I am building relationships with the right people through secure attachment.

I am speaking my truth and communicating openly.

I am allowing only those who respect my privacy into my life.

I am ending contact when my concerns are met with blame, denial, or threats.

I am allowing people who respect my invisible disabilities without perpetuating stigmas or adding to my suffering.

I am communicating my vulnerabilities related to my neurodivergence and how it affects my decision making and nervous system.

I am allowing people who understand and care about my neurodivergence without causing me additional challenges with it.

I am supporting others the way I want to be supported: by listening and witnessing, without unsolicited fixing, problem solving, advice, or rescuing.

I am holding accountable and denying access of myself and resources to those who knowingly, willfully, maliciously, intentionally, and/or repeatedly cause or increase suffering for me.

5. CLEAN CODE

I AM REDUCING THE SUFFERING OF MYSELF AND OTHERS BY BEING SOBER

I used inhalants for the last time on February 8, 2023, after 21 years of intermittent use.

I used ketamine for the first and last time on February 8, 2023.

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February 8, 2023 – That night I was loaded on shrooms, booze, cannabis, ketamine, and multiple inhalants (handed to me from strangers).
One of the wildest and most dangerous nights of my pre-sobriety life.
Hard drugs being done in the open.
I don’t remember getting home or taking this picture.

I stopped using alcohol on January 13, 2024, after 23 years of use.

I stopped smoking cigarettes on January 16, 2024, after 22 years of use.

I stopped using hallucinogens on September 5, 2024, after 2.5 years of use.

I stopped using kratom on October 12, 2024, after three years of use.

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Unknown, 2024 – One of about 5000 joints I smoked, while denying my addiction to cannabis, and denying how I used it habitually to avoid underlying difficult feelings.

I stopped using cannabis on January 6, 2026, after 15 years of use. I have been completely sober since.

Moving forward:

Alcohol, kratom, hallucinogens, inhalants, psychoactive plants, and other intoxicants are not a part of my life. No substance will ever join this list.

My sobriety is mine. Mine to maintain. Mine to protect.

Nothing can steal it. No event in my life can force a relapse. Ever.

I’m sober because I was finally ready.
And because I’m ready, it’s final.

6. NETWORK SECURITY

TO PREVENT UNNECESSARY SUFFERING I AM BEING SLOW, SAFE, AND INTENTIONAL IN MY CONNECTIONS
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May 2026
I was asked at a dating event to write down “what I really want.”
This is what I really want.
In myself and my connections.
Moving forward:

I am pursuing sobriety from anything from anyone that hijacks my nervous system, feels like love or sex bombing, and/or causes or increases my suffering. I am detoxing from many of these experiences, and in doing so I am becoming emotionally sober.

I am choosing people who are grateful for and reciprocate the love I give.
I am choosing people who don’t use or abuse me, in any way.
I am choosing people who demonstrate love through actions, not just words.

I am pursuing love and romance slowly and intentionally.
I am inviting intimacy when the time is right.
I am allowing romantic touch and affection when I have the capacity.
I am choosing people who are trustworthy, predictable, and stable.

I am building my identity around being secure with myself.
I am choosing my self-worth first.
I am choosing connections where I do not have to mask my neurodivergence.
I am building intimacy around mutual trust and through healing my traumas.

I am choosing to go slow.
I am choosing co-regulation over sexual activity.
I am choosing earned trust.
I am choosing actions over words.
I am choosing consistency over fireworks.

I am choosing situations and relationships that are emotionally healthy.
I am attaching without changing who I truly am.
I am choosing people who respect my safety and boundaries, and do not increase my suffering.

I am separating intensity from intimacy.
I am separating access from love.
I am separating chemistry from compatibility.

I am pursuing slow love and slow intimacy.
I am pursuing low-pressure romance.
I am intentionally being a slow burner with relationships.

I am staying aware when I feel pressure from things like charm, flirtation, touch, affection, attention, big promises, sex, validation, money, status, drugs, alcohol, or lies, or anything that could escalate a relationship before I am ready.

I am choosing to pace my relationships.
I am choosing to securely attach.
I am staying aware of dopamine and oxytocin and choosing to build relationships at a pace I am emotionally ready for.

7. CODE EXECUTION

I AM BEING SAFE WITH MY BEHAVIORS TO REDUCE UNNECESSARY SUFFERING
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If you aren’t being safe in your behaviors, it could kill you.
Or hurt you or someone else, emotionally or physically.
Or ruin a relationship.
Or any number of terrible things.
Moving forward:

I am choosing safe behaviors. Always.

I am being safe with my behaviors when I’m anxious or mentally unwell.
I am being safe with my behaviors when I’m triggered or angry.
I am being safe with my behaviors when I am emotionally attacked, provoked, or threatened.
I am being safe with my behaviors when my nervous system is dysregulated.
I am being safe with my behaviors when my boundaries are violated.
I am being safe with my behaviors when I’m emotional or having big feelings.
I am being safe with my behaviors when I’m craving dopamine.
I am being safe with my behaviors when my hormones are raging or I’m crushing on someone.
I am being safe with my behaviors when I’m grieving and missing people.
I am being safe with my behaviors when I’m having fun or celebrating.
I am being safe with my behaviors when I am feeling neurodivergent burnout, exhaustion, or fatigue from activities, connections, or events.

I am not reacting to impulses, compulsions, cravings, or urges.

I am not engaging with people who are being hostile or emotionally aggressive.

I am pausing or leaving when a conversation turns to blame, denial, or threats.

I am responding intelligently, safely, and in full integrity.

I am acting mindfully.
I am making low-risk decisions.
I am pausing before I respond.
I am not letting self-sabotage disguise itself as forward motion.

I am not chasing things that cause mental destabilization, nervous system dysregulation, increased suffering, harm, stress, or anxiety.

8. CHECKSUM PROTOCOL

I AM BEING ACCOUNTABLE AND FOLLOWING THE LAW BECAUSE OF SUFFERING i caused MYSELF AND OTHERS IN THE PAST
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June 21, 2025 – A book that I struggled to read before I began confronting my shadows and being accountable for my mistakes.
Moving forward:

I am owning my history and not repeating my mistakes and patterns.
I am accountable for every decision I have ever made.

I am acknowledging my wrongdoings without rationalizing them, rewriting the story to protect my ego, or crafting narratives to dismiss or deflect them.

I am owning my decisions and mistakes completely, even when I didn’t know any better. I am owning the actual choices, without excuses, minimizing, or explaining them away.

I am accountable for the harm my decisions caused others, even in ways I may never fully know, by making amends through never repeating my patterns and mistakes.

Some damage is invisible. Some consequences will never make it back to me. That does not mean they didn’t happen.

I am demonstrating accountability the only way that matters: by never repeating my patterns and mistakes. By choosing a lifestyle of changed and positive actions. By living in integrity, even when nobody is watching.

I am not knowingly or willfully repeating my patterns, not once, not ever.

I am choosing safe situations.
I am withdrawing from emotionally escalated situations.
I am asking for space, mentally and physically, and giving it when others ask.
I am choosing to live alone intentionally and maintaining my sanctuary.
I am choosing calm, peace, and boundaries.
I am choosing solutions that are humane and do not harm anyone.

I am living in accordance with the law.

I am accepting, acknowledging, and being fully accountable for my conviction from 2020. I completed my house arrest, probation, domestic violence perpetrator treatment, and paid my fines. I have followed the law completely since that violation occurred.

I am not using language like “I was provoked,” “they were equally abusive,” “I was intoxicated,” “it was only a text,” “it was a bipolar episode,” or “I couldn’t control myself.” That language denies my chosen actions. I do not use it anymore.

That was then. This is now.

Now I am living differently.
Now I am choosing accountability, restraint, and integrity.

I am following the law.
I am being ethical, non-violent, and emotionally safe with others.

The no-contact order expired May 6, 2026.

9. ANTI-VIRUS AND ANTI-MALWARE

I AM ELIMINATING MY FORMER TOXIC PATTERNS THAT CAUSED OR INCREASED SUFFERING FOR MYSELF AND OTHERS
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You don’t have to look around too much to start seeing patterns.
When you look inward AND you are completely honest with yourself, they are just as easy to find.
Moving forward:

I am eliminating patterns and behaviors that have caused or increased suffering for me and others throughout my entire life.

I am no longer tolerating these patterns in people I am connected with and the harm they cause me.

The root of all of them is the same: a fear of being alone. That fear is gone. I have completely eliminated it.

Every pattern below was driven by that fear. Every one of them is being eliminated:

  • I am eliminating my pattern of avoidance.
  • I am eliminating my pattern of poor communication.
  • I am eliminating my pattern of performing personas to please people.
  • I am eliminating my pattern of lacking and/or not keeping boundaries.
  • I am eliminating my patterns of anxious and insecure attachment.
  • I am eliminating my pattern of relationship insecurities.
  • I am eliminating my pattern of fearing abandonment.
  • I am eliminating my pattern of fearing rejection.
  • I am eliminating my pattern of fearing loss of love.
  • I am eliminating my pattern of fearing relationship endings.
  • I am eliminating my pattern of destructive trauma responses.
  • I am eliminating my patterns of rebound relationships, love bombing, and sex bombing.
  • I am eliminating my pattern of hating instead of unconditionally loving myself.
  • I am eliminating my pattern of carrying deep internal shame.
  • I am eliminating my pattern of engaging with mental poisons.
  • I am eliminating my pattern of poor mental health management.
  • I am eliminating my pattern of numbing myself with substances and alcohol.
  • I am eliminating my patterns of blame shifting, dodging accountability, and denying ownership of harms I have caused, and instead making my amends through changed living in a positive way.
  • I am eliminating my pattern of lacking integrity and honesty with myself and others.
  • I am eliminating my pattern of rushing to fix, solve, advise, or rescue instead of listening to and witnessing people who are sharing their experience with me.
  • I am eliminating my pattern of masking my neurodivergence in safe settings and continuing to mask when it is emotionally unsafe not to.
  • I am managing my pattern of persistent drive for autonomy and pausing when necessary to prevent it from causing emotional harm for myself and others.
  • I am eliminating my pattern of holding onto contact and keepsakes tied to people who cause me suffering, instead of severing ties the moment the pattern shows itself.
  • I am eliminating my pattern of attaching to dreams, unfulfilled promises, and/or fantasies in relationships, jobs, living situations, and other areas of my life, while pouring codependent effort, rescuing, money, avoidance, and energy into convincing myself I love something instead of facing that I really don’t, while denying the actual realities and true colors of the situation until it has become too painful to continue having hope for the promise, dream, and/or fantasy to actually become true.
  • I am eliminating my pattern of postponing the life I actually want to live, telling myself tomorrow, next week, next year, someday, instead of living it today in this moment.

I am living free of these patterns because the fear of being alone that drove them has cost me dearly, and hurt people I love, over and over again.

I am eliminating all of these patterns for good. Forever. Starting now.

I am doing whatever it takes to change and to process the layers of grief I carry, because stopping the cycle of broken hearts, including my own, matters deeply to me. Protecting myself from new or increased suffering and not causing or increasing suffering for others matters deeply to me.

10. INCOGNITO MODE DISABLED

I AM BEING MYSELF INSTEAD OF SOMETHING I AM NOT
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November 14, 2024 – Every laugh at my jokes, a big dopamine hit and the warm feeling of being loved and noticed, but at that time it was all a performance.
Moving forward:

I am being my true self instead of performing as something I am not.

I am no longer performing a persona to please people.
I am no longer auditioning for love.
I am no longer making myself into whatever someone needs me to be to avoid abandonment, rejection, or loss of love.
I am no longer pretending to be someone I am not just to avoid being alone.
I am no longer masking my neurodivergence in safe settings and/or with safe people.

I am openly and promptly communicating my wants, needs, emotions, feelings, challenges, and struggles.

11. ACCESS CONTROL

I AM PROTECTING MYSELF FROM HARM, EXPLOITATION, ABUSE, AND SUFFERING FROM OTHERS
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No key, no access.
Moving forward:

I am only allowing people into my life who:

  • Love me without conditions.
  • Accept me as I am right now.
  • Do not expect me to be perfect.
  • Do not continually demand more from me.
  • Treat me like I am enough.
  • Do not minimize or interfere with my progress.
  • Respect consent and safe behaviors.
  • Respect my sobriety and do not willfully abuse* drugs or alcohol around me.
  • Do not use romance, affection, love, sex, attention, money, false promises, DARVO, gaslighting, manipulation, guilt, or shame to control me, exploit me, and/or avoid accountability.
  • Are willing to identify, admit to, and change any harmful behaviors, and are doing the work, not just talking about it.
  • Are safe for and with me.
  • Respect my property, money, and other resources.
  • Demonstrate trust at every level and never lie to me.
  • Respect my empathy and show it in their own behavior.
  • Respect my privacy and seek information about me only with my awareness and consent.
  • Honor my need for space and distance when I ask for it.
  • Demonstrate care and trust when they are holding my heart.
  • Respect and have curiosity about my neurodivergence.
  • Never knowingly, willfully, maliciously, intentionally, or repeatedly cause or increase suffering for me.

Access to my life is earned. That is my decision alone.

*Drug and alcohol abuse is a pattern of compulsive use marked by recurrent significant social, occupational, health, legal, or interpersonal adverse consequences. This is not about someone partaking in a moderated and safe way.

12. CODE PROTECTION

TO REDUCE MY EMOTIONAL SUFFERING I AM BEING MENTALLY SOBER
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Instead of reading the news, wasting my life on social media, getting anxious with politics, recruiting partners on dating apps, or anything else that leaves me emotionally hollow, I come here and watch every sunset I can.
Moving forward:

I am being mentally sober.

I am free of all social media.
I am free of dating apps and similar platforms. I meet people organically.
I am free of following the news at any level: local, national, or international.
I am free of involvement in politics, protests, petitions, and other activism.
I am free of performative advocacy and publicity.
I am free of running micro-charities for public recognition.
I am free of performative volunteering.

I am protecting my mental sobriety like my life depends on it, because it decreases my suffering.

13. VULNERABILITY MANAGEMENT

I AM MANAGING MY MENTAL HEALTH BECAUSE IT REDUCES MY SUFFERING AND THE SUFFERING OF OTHERS
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July 2026 – One of 35 rounds of Transcranial Magnetic Stimulations (TMS) I was prescribed and am receiving to help me with PTSD.
Moving forward:

I am handling my psychiatric conditions like a grown adult, as I should.

I accept my mental health challenges and have self-compassion for them, even though I dislike them and did not choose them.

Managing my mental health is my responsibility. Nobody else’s.

I am committed to the following:

  • Managing my addictive urges and maintaining sobriety from alcohol and all other mind-altering substances.
  • Taking my maintenance medications and supplements, adjusting them when needed, and always doing so with professional guidance.
  • Asking for help the moment I am struggling.
  • Keeping a current safety plan and using it.
  • Staying honest with my providers, especially when things begin to deteriorate.
  • Going to therapy regularly and doing the hard work it requires.
  • Continually researching and educating myself about my conditions.
  • Protecting my sleep. It is sacred.
  • Listening to, befriending, and reparenting my Internal Family System of parts.
  • Using psychiatric hospitalization when I need it, without ego or delay.
  • Not burdening loved ones with managing my mental health or handling my crises.
  • Tracking my patterns so that bipolar disorder, or any of my conditions, does not take over my system.
  • Attending support groups and building community with healthy, unconditionally loving people.
  • Recognizing the impacts of me masking my neurodivergence, eliminating it when safe, monitoring how it is impacting my mental and physical health, and prioritizing my mental health over people, places, activities, events, and other things that require masking.
  • Continuously examining how patterns, conditions, diseases, and disorders that I had previously not realized, I had not discovered, I had not been diagnosed with, and/or I was unaware of have impacted my life and the lives of others, and remaining fully accountable for the damages they have caused by making amends through demonstrated positive changes by educating myself, attending therapy, exploring and following psychiatric interventions, and never knowingly and willfully repeating my mistakes related to them.
> HOW PEOPLE TALK ABOUT MY HEALTH

I am choosing people who respect and accurately portray my mental health conditions, with care and compassion, not stigma and perpetuation of false information and rumors. I did not choose these conditions.

I am only allowing people in my life who see my invisible disabilities and do not add to the suffering I already carry.

I am rejecting anyone who weaponizes my conditions, perpetuates mental health stigmas, and/or pathologizes me to avoid accountability.

14. TRUSTED DEVICES

I AM KEEPING HEALTHY CONNECTIONS
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Firm, non-negotiable boundaries.
Moving forward:

I am building connections that align with the life I am creating. I am avoiding the following behaviors in others:

  • Addictions, impulsiveness, and compulsions
  • Dishonesty and untrustworthiness
  • Chaos, drama, constant problems, and instability
  • Provocations and displays of emotional aggression
  • Rapidly intensifying and escalating love and intimacy
  • Emotionally unsafe and triggering behavior
  • Blame, denial, and avoidance of accountability
  • Conditional love and acceptance
  • Rescuing, people pleasing, codependency, and performing
  • Avoidance, silence, and poor communication
  • Mentally erosive environments
  • Knowing, willful, intentional, malicious, or repeated causing or increasing suffering for me

15. SYSTEM REINSTALL

I AM GRIEVING MY FORMER IDENTITY
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December 1, 2025 – Nothing like a good California sunset to rip the tears right out of your eyes days after your identity completely collapses.
Moving forward:

I am rebuilding who I am with intention, standards, boundaries, safe behaviors, and integrity.
I am rebuilding. I am evolving and growing.

I am formatting my identity and reinstalling a brand new, untested operating system.

I am doing grueling, exhausting, and difficult internal work.

I am moving my life forward:

  • With high standards.
  • With complete sobriety from all drugs and alcohol.
  • With appropriate boundaries.
  • With safe behaviors.
  • With absolute accountability.
  • With strict discipline.
  • With total self-respect.
  • With unending gratitude.
  • With beautiful imperfections.
  • With complete grace.
  • With a better future.
  • Without any of my old harmful patterns.
  • With less neurodivergent masking.
  • With more awareness and management of my persistent drive for autonomy nervous system responses
  • With intolerance of suffering caused or increased by myself and/or others

I am improving humanity every day by healing myself, leading with love, and not repeating my destructive patterns, because my decisions today ripple out into the world immediately.

I am loving myself with grace exactly as I am in this present moment, acknowledging and accepting my flaws and imperfections.

I am allowing myself to be human while I hold these standards. If I fall short of this manifesto, that is data, not proof the whole system failed. I am learning from the moment, adjusting what needs adjusting, and returning to the operating system, instead of treating one rough day as a verdict on all the days before it.

I am demonstrating trust in myself through self-love, self-respect, and self-protection.

16. DISASTER RECOVERY

I AM GRIEVING EVERYTHING, IN FULL, SOBER, AS IT COMES, BECAUSE AVOIDING IT INCREASES MY SUFFERING
Moving forward:

I am grieving everything. In full. Sober. As it comes.

There is no backup to restore from. What’s lost is lost. So I’m not restoring. I’m recovering, and the recovery never finishes, because grief doesn’t. Loss is permanent, so grief is perpetual.

I am letting it come in, move through me, and leave on its own terms. Some days it’s a slack tide. Some days it’s a king tide. I don’t get a vote.

I am feeling every phase: shock, denial, anger, bargaining, guilt, depression, acceptance and hope. In order, out of order, all at once, on a loop. Sometimes before breakfast.

I am not numbing it. No drugs, no booze, no rebound relationships, no busywork, no performative volunteering, no running. Every one of those was grief avoidance in a costume.

I am saying it out loud. “Hello grief, my old friend. I feel you. Flow through me.” Then I let it pass.

I am not calling any feeling bad. It’s information. If I shame myself for crying, I just add a second problem.

I am grieving the little losses too. Grief is mostly the little things.

I am accepting the permanent ones. Some doors are welded shut, and I’m not waiting for a different ending.

I am grateful for the tears. They’re proof I have a real heart and that what I lost was real.

17. CODE COMPATIBILITY

I AM BEING LOVING AND GRATEFUL, WITH BOUNDARIES
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I love you. I always will. Unconditionally.
Moving forward and as always:

I am grateful for those who have loved me in the past, those I have loved, and those who love me as I am today.

I am grateful for the real, beautiful moments and the incredible adventures I have shared with people throughout my life, even the ones who are no longer on this journey with me.

I am taking control of my life every day, finding gratitude in everything, even the hardest moments.

I have never-ending gratitude for the events that shaped me, even the most painful ones.

I am loving people unconditionally, even when they are not in my life. Some people I choose to love close. Some I choose to love from a distance. Some I choose to love best with no contact.

Because love is simply wanting less suffering and more happiness for ourselves and others, I am and will always be loving you, just as you are, whoever you are. No matter what existed or exists between us in the past, present, or future.

I feel joy when you feel joy. I feel love when you feel love. I feel happiness when you feel happiness. I feel pain when you feel pain. I am living with compersion, compassion, respect, and empathy for everyone, regardless of reciprocation.

18. END USER AGREEMENT

THE END

Moving Forward:

I am choosing to live this way. I am finally discovering who I am beneath the patterns and behaviors I am forever leaving behind.

I am loving this life I have now.

I am fiercely protecting myself from new or increased suffering caused by my own decisions or by others.

This is my operating system. It is not an indictment of anyone. It is written specifically for me.

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TuOS = Operating System of Happiness

TUOS_Change.log

  • v1.0 Cingulata · 1/21/26
    OPERATING SYSTEM DEVELOPED FROM PAIN AND LOSS
  • v2.0 Passeriformes · 4/26/26
    OPERATING SYSTEM OVERHAULED WITH LOVE AND HEALING
  • v2.1 Passeriformes · 5/7/26
    ANTI-VIRUS AND ANTI-MALWARE UPDATED · GOVERNANCE AND COMPLIANCE UPDATED · TuOS v2.1 PASSERIFORMES REVISION HIGHLIGHTS UPDATED
  • v2.2 Passeriformes · 5/20/26
    TuOS FORMATTING AND STYLING UPDATED
  • v3.0 Lagomorpha · 5/21/26
    INTERNAL LINKS UPDATED · FIREWALL UPDATED · SECURE NETWORK INFRASTRUCTURE UPDATED · CODE EXECUTION UPDATED · ANTI-VIRUS AND ANTI-MALWARE UPDATED · RESOURCE PRESERVATION AND ALLOCATION UPDATED · CODE PROTECTION UPDATED · VULNERABILITY MANAGEMENT UPDATED · TRUSTED DEVICES UPDATED · CODE COMPATIBILITY UPDATED · TuOS v3.0 LAGOMORPHA REVISION HIGHLIGHTS UPDATED · END USER AGREEMENT UPDATED
  • v3.1 Lagomorpha · 5/27/26
    FIREWALL UPDATED · ANTI-VIRUS AND ANTI-MALWARE UPDATED · TuOS v3.1 LAGOMORPHA REVISION HIGHLIGHTS UPDATED
  • v4.0 Accipitriformes · 5/29/26
    REGISTERED TRADEMARK moved to top · RELEASE NOTES moved to top · README.md section removed · ACTIVE THREAT LOG added as dedicated section · RESOURCE PRESERVATION AND ALLOCATION renamed to ACCESS CONTROL · GOVERNANCE AND COMPLIANCE renamed to ACCOUNTABILITY PROTOCOL · SECURE NETWORK INFRASTRUCTURE renamed to NETWORK SECURITY · TuOS OVERHAUL renamed to SYSTEM REINSTALL · TuOS HIGHLIGHTS renamed to RELEASE NOTES · All internal links audited and updated · Typos corrected throughout · Change log moved to bottom and reformatted as list with anchor · Page renumbered to 17 sections · FIREWALL content reorganized into thematic clusters · CLEAN CODE sobriety list reordered chronologically · NETWORK SECURITY paragraph spacing improved · ACCOUNTABILITY PROTOCOL redundant language tightened · ANTI-VIRUS AND ANTI-MALWARE restructured with flat list · ACTIVE THREAT LOG formatted line-by-line · VULNERABILITY MANAGEMENT language simplified · Orange accent color applied throughout
  • v4.1 Accipitriformes · 5/30/26
    DECISION MATRIX added as section 3 · Sections 3-17 renumbered to 4-18 · RELEASE NOTES updated to reference decision matrix · IFS and integrity links added in DECISION MATRIX · Change log updated
  • v4.1.1 Accipitriformes · 6/2/26
    TRUSTED DEVICES heading code fixed · Change log updated
  • v4.2 Accipitriformes · 6/7/26
    ACTIVE THREAT LOG (section 12) removed · Sections 13-18 renumbered to 12-17 · Document reduced to 17 sections · Change log updated
  • v5.0 Testudinidae · 7/3/26
    Version Updated to 5.0 Testudinidae · RELEASE NOTES (section 1) updated to reflect neurodivergence awareness · DECISION MATRIX (section 3) updated to reflect neurodivergent decision considerations · FIREWALL (section 4) updated to reflect neurodivergence awareness and boundaries · CODE EXECUTION (section 7) updated to reflect safe behaviors in relation to neurodivergent living · ANTI-VIRUS and ANTI-MALWARE (section 9) updated to reflect neurodivergent pattern modification · INCOGNITO MODE DISABLED (section 10) updated to reflect neurodivergent masking · ACCESS CONTROL (section 11) updated to reflect neurodivergence in relationship to chosen connections · VULNERABILITY MANAGEMENT (section 13) updated to reflect mental health decisions related to neurodivergent masking · SYSTEM REINSTALL (section 15) updated to reflect standards of living related to neurodivergence · Change log updated
  • v5.1 Testudinidae · 7/10/26
    Version Updated to 5.1 Testudinidae · RELEASE NOTES (section 1) updated to reflect additional neurodivergence awareness · DECISION MATRIX (section 3) updated to reflect neurodivergent decision considerations · FIREWALL (section 4) updated to boundaries around suffering · NETWORK SECURITY (section 6) updated to reflect neurodivergence and associated relationship boundaries · ANTI-VIRUS and ANTI-MALWARE (section 9) updated to reflect neurodivergent pattern modification · SYSTEM REINSTALL (section 15) updated to reflect standards of living related to neurodivergence · Change log updated
  • v5.1.1 Testudinidae · 7/17/26
    Version Updated to 5.1.1 Testudinidae · DECISION MAKING MATRIX (section 3) updated to reflect additional PDA (pathological demand avoidance aka persistent drive for autonomy) behaviors · Change log updated
  • v5.1.2 Testudinidae · 7/20/26
    Version Updated to 5.1.2 Testudinidae · Top of TuOS word “declaration” replaced with “manifesto” · RELEASE NOTES (section 1) new declaration statement added at beginning and visual formatting changes · Change log updated
  • v5.1.3 Testudinidae · 7/23/26
    Version Updated to 5.1.3 Testudinidae · ANTI-VIRUS and ANTI-MALWARE (section 9) updated to reflect awareness of unknown negative mental health factors and continued management of them · Change log updated
  • v5.1.4 Testudinidae · 7/25/26
    Version Updated to 5.1.4 Testudinidae · Photo updates · Change log updated
  • v5.1.5 Testudinidae · 8/2/26
    Version Updated to 5.1.5 Testudinidae · Visual formatting changes · Change log updated
  • v6 Pelecanidae · 8/9/26
    Version Updated to 6 Pelecanidae · RELEASE NOTES (section 1) updated reflect intolerance of avoidance of accountability, manipulation, gaslighting, and/or DARVO · FIREWALL (section 4) updated to reflect intolerance of avoidance of accountability, manipulation, gaslighting, and/or DARVO · CODE EXECUTION (section 7) updated to reflect intolerance of avoidance of accountability, manipulation, gaslighting, and/or DARVO · ACCESS CONTROL (section 11) updated to include avoidance of accountability and DARVO · CODE PROTECTION (section 13) updated to include avoidance of accountability and DARVO · TRUSTED DEVICES (section 14) updated to include avoidance of accountability and DARVO · Change log updated
  • v6.0.1 Pelecanidae · 8/22/26
    Version Updated to 6.0.1 Pelecanidae · Visual formatting changes throughout · Change log updated
  • v6.0.2 Pelecanidae · 8/23/26
    Version Updated to 6.0.2 Pelecanidae · Link updates throughout · Change log updated
  • v6.1 Pelecanidae · 8/29/26
    Version Updated to 6.1 Pelecanidae · ACCESS CONTROL (section 11) updated with gaslighting expansion · NETWORK SECURITY (section 6) updated to reflect reciprocal nature of relationships · ANTI-VIRUS and ANTI-MALWARE (section 9) updated to reflect intolerance of patterns in others · VULNERABILITY MANAGEMENT (section 13) updated to reflect smearing intolerance · Change log updated
  • v7 Mustelidae · 9/9/26
    Version Updated to 7 Mustelidae · Mustelidae cover photo added · TuOS overview renamed to “What is TuOS” and section updated with statement about reducing suffering · RELEASE NOTES (section 1) updated with purpose of decision making matrix defined · DECISION MAKING MATRIX (section 3) updated to include choosing less suffering in decisions · NETWORK SECURITY (section 6) updated to reflect choosing less suffering in love and intimacy · CODE EXECUTION (section 7) updated to reflect choosing less suffering through chosen safe behaviors · ACCOUNTABILITY PROTOCOL (section 8) Renamed to CHECKSUM PROTOCOL and accountability for suffering added · ANTI-VIRUS and ANTI-MALWARE (section 9) updated to acknowledge suffering caused by patterns · ACCESS CONTROL (section 11) updated to deny access to people who cause or increase suffering for me · CODE PROTECTION (section 12) updated to acknowledge emotional suffering caused by mental poisons · VULNERABILITY MANAGEMENT (section 13) updated to reflect mental health management leads to less suffering · TRUSTED DEVICES (section 14) updated to reflect mental health management leads to less suffering · SYSTEM REINSTALL (section 15) updated to reflect mental health management leads to less suffering · CODE COMPATIBILITY (section 16) definition of love added · END USER AGREEMENT (section 17) added fierce protection from suffering sentence · Change log updated
  • v7.1 Mustelidae · 9/11/26
    Version Updated to 7.1 Mustelidae · ANTI-VIRUS and ANTI-MALWARE (section 9) updated pattern around intolerance of behaviors in others to include incitement of fear, scare tactics, and threats · Change log updated
  • v7.2 Mustelidae · 9/12/26
    Version Updated to 7.2 Mustelidae · ANTI-VIRUS and ANTI-MALWARE (section 9) updated to add pattern around denying realities of life situations · Change log updated
  • v7.3 Mustelidae · 9/13/26
    Version Updated to 7.3 Mustelidae · ANTI-VIRUS and ANTI-MALWARE (section 9) updated to add pattern around not living my life in the moment · Change log updated
  • v7.4 Mustelidae · 9/14/26
    Version Updated to 7.4 Mustelidae · SYSTEM REINSTALL (section 15) updated to add language distinguishing a slip from total system failure · Change log updated
  • v7.4.1 Mustelidae · 9/15/26
    Version Updated to 7.4.1 Mustelidae · ANTI-VIRUS and ANTI-MALWARE (section 9) updated to expand and clarify last three patterns · Change log updated
  • v7.5 Mustelidae · 9/20/26
    Version Updated to 7.5 Mustelidae · SYSTEM DIRECTORY (TUOS_Directory.idx) index added at top with links and summaries for all 17 sections and the change log · Anchors added to section headings 1, 4, 6, 7, 8, 10, 15, and 17 · Spelling and typos corrected throughout · Change log version names and section references corrected · Change log updated
  • v8.0 Bovidae · 10/18/26
    Version Updated to 8.0 Bovidae · Cover photo replaced · Blog links removed throughout · RELEASE NOTES (section 1) updated to reflect grieving everything in full, sober, as it comes · DISASTER RECOVERY (section 16) added: grieving everything in full, sober, as it comes · CODE COMPATIBILITY renumbered to section 17 · END USER AGREEMENT renumbered to section 18 · SYSTEM DIRECTORY (TUOS_Directory.idx) updated to 18 sections · Page title and header updated to v8.0 Bovidae · Change log updated
  • v8.1 Bovidae · 10/22/26
    Version Updated to 8.1 Bovidae · RELEASE NOTES (section 1) updated to focus on my own boundaries · FIREWALL (section 4) updated · CODE EXECUTION (section 7) updated · CHECKSUM PROTOCOL (section 8) tightened · ANTI-VIRUS AND ANTI-MALWARE (section 9) tightened · VULNERABILITY MANAGEMENT (section 13) updated · TRUSTED DEVICES (section 14) updated · Change log updated