2KVYOT3.L0VETukayote Helianthus v2Walking away from suffering.Walking towards love.With intention.
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Let me tell you a little story about a guy I used to know. Drunk. Psychotic. Angry. Drug fueled. The life of every party and the death of my mental health. In a two-year span of time, he attended 94 shows at the Wild Buffalo House of Music, high on drugs and alcohol every time.…
I spent months grieving what I lost. Then one Tuesday the grief shifted into something I didn’t have a word for yet: bewilderment, and a deep, almost embarrassing “what was I tolerating?” I had been pouring everything into people, whether or not it ever came back, and calling it love when it was really fear.…
There’s a moment in recovery where you stop making excuses for what you’re seeing. I stopped explaining it away, gave it nothing, and kept living my life out loud. Then I found the light at the end of the tunnel, and it was me.
These months did not break me. They refined me. I screamed into the ocean. I cried alone. I walked through rain and sunlight. I watched the sun set from the safety of the pier whenever I could. I wrote amends. I kept my boundaries. I stayed true when it would have been easier to disappear.…
Ego death isn’t a breakthrough or a glow-up. It’s the collapse of an identity that was keeping me alive while quietly killing me. I ended patterns that were destroying me, stopped numbing, and stopped avoiding. Then came months of hypervigilance, grief, and screaming into the ocean in cold storms, sober and unarmored. Invisible. Brutal. Lonely.…