PS C:\> tar -xf Alone_On_Valentines_v1.zip
Application_Install.exe
Twenty-six years in a row I had someone to share Valentine’s Day with. This year I didn’t. And for a minute, the old ache tried to run its script. But I made a choice: if I didn’t have a Valentine, then everyone was going to be my Valentine. I walked 9.5 miles around town hand-hearting strangers, gave away balloons to women with heartbreakingly sad faces, and laughed at the grumpy men who didn’t know what to do with love when it came at them sideways. I didn’t spend the day grieving what was missing. I spent it proving that love isn’t a resource you conserve for one person. It’s something you just… do. Everywhere. Without permission.
The deeper thing I learned that day is that I’m not alone. I’m whole. Those aren’t the same thing. Being alone just means there’s no one else in the room. Being whole means you’re not waiting on someone else to complete the picture. I’m not there because I’ve stopped loving people. I’m there because I finally started loving myself the same way I love everyone else. Big. Open. Unconditionally. And that changes everything.
That is the application. The rest is the source code.
Source_Code.txt
The open-source code below is free, for you to analyze, modify, and build your own application with.
> running a 26-year-old loop: legacy_code.exe
Twenty-six years in a row I had someone by my side. Someone to pour my love into. Someone to anchor the day.
This year, I’m alone. Because of my old patterns.
For a minute, that old ache tried to run the script. Loss. Absence. Failure. The familiar whisper of fear. Fear of abandonment. Fear of rejection. Fear that love somehow slipped through my fingers for good.
And then I decided to change the frame.
The Pivot Year – Day 41 – Brianna Wiest
> face of emotional sobriety: selfie.jpg
This is the face of emotional sobriety.
This is what loving myself unconditionally actually looks like.
This is what following my operating system looks like.
Today I told someone close something I’ve never said out loud before:
I have never loved myself this deeply. I have never felt this good in my own skin.
Three months ago, that wasn’t true. I had lost myself. I didn’t know who I was.
But I do know who I am now:
I am my own best friend.
I am my fiercest ally.
And that changes everything.
> expanding the guest list: broadcast_all.sh
So I decided if I didn’t have a Valentine, then EVERYONE was going to be my Valentine.
I walked 9.5 miles all over town today hand-hearting strangers like it was my job.
Maybe it is my job now. Maybe I am just going to do it forever.
Actually, not maybe, its now my new thing.
🫶🫶🫶
Smiles everywhere.
Some confused looks.
Even better, return hand hearts and smiles.
I bought five balloons at the dollar store. Lost two accidentally. Gave two to ladies with heartbreakingly sad, single faces. Instant transformations. One balloon stayed with me, tied to my backpack, floating behind me like a moving declaration.
Sorry, environment.
> cracking open the grumps: trolling_grumpy_men.log
Some people didn’t know what to do with it.
Especially the grumpy men.
Tight jaws. Dead eyes. Zero smiles.
Like love is dangerous. Or contagious. Or somehow unmanly.
I laughed.
I teased the moment just a little. I watched how it hit differently when their women smiled back or threw a hand heart right past them. You could feel the discomfort.
Good.
I’m a lover.
And apparently a bit of a troll. 😈
I get joy cracking open rigid places.
Natural dopamine.
Free. Renewable. Shared.
> love is not a resource to conserve: open_source_heart.js
What I realized today is this:
Valentine’s Day isn’t about tallying who’s missing.
It’s about how I show up.
It’s about loving the world the way I want to be loved.
Big. Open. Unfiltered. Without permission. Unconditionally.
I don’t need to ration my heart anymore.
I can give it everywhere I go.
Even when it devastates me.
> slow burn, regulated: nervous_system.config
Today I’m celebrating my freedom and my growth.
I’m 38 days completely sober.
I’m present.
I’m not repeating the old loops that used to run my life.
The old fears still exist somewhere in my history, but they aren’t driving the car. I’m not rushing. I’m not trying to lock anything down. I don’t feel clingy. I don’t feel trapped. I don’t feel like I have to impress anyone.
I just get to be me.
Weird. Wonderful. Happy. Joyous.
Accomplice in Downtown Bellingham.
For the first time, emotional connection is coming before physical chemistry. A slow burn. Gentle. Spacious. My nervous system really loves it. That alone tells me I’m doing something right.
We can see where things go naturally
Would I be sad if a meaningful connection disappeared? Of course. I’m human.
But I’m not anxious.
I’m not bracing for loss.
I’m simply here. In the moment.
> not alone, just whole: final_output.log
So today wasn’t about being alone.
It was about being whole.
It was about choosing love as a verb, not a contract.
About walking through the world with my heart visible, even when it makes people uncomfortable.
Especially then.
Happy Valentine’s Day. ❤️
I hope yours is filled with love.
And if you didn’t have one person to share it with tonight?
Take a page from my book.
Share it with everyone.
🫶