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Tukayote Helianthus v2
Walking away from suffering.Walking towards love.With intention.
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Tag: nicotine
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Two years clean from kratom, and a display of Feel Free shots at the gas station still told me one won’t hurt. It will. This is the detox that felt like hell, the marketing nobody warns you about, the ban that finally hit Bellingham, and the guilt I carry for handing it to people I…
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It costs nothing to choose less suffering for yourself, and it will cost you everything if you don’t. Today I made the hardest decision of my life, severing the last cord tied to a source of suffering I could not reduce any other way. I’m letting go so everyone on the other side of it…
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For years, I thought my relentless dopamine chasing was a personal failure. Weak willpower. Poor discipline. Another addiction story. It turns out it was biology. Genetic testing confirmed what I’d long suspected: my brain is wired with significantly fewer dopamine receptors, making “normal” life feel chronically underpowered. That truth changed everything. Recovery stopped being a…
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On paper, I’m “stable.” My mood is steady. No swings. No spirals. But underneath that stability is a brutal reality: crushed energy, flat dopamine, and relentless akathisia. For years, one side effect quietly dictated my life and drove me to self-medicate with alcohol and kratom just to function. I finally named it for what it…
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Most people don’t wake up thinking about dopamine. I do. For me, it isn’t a trendy neuroscience term. It’s the invisible force behind my focus, my addictions, and my long road to recovery. Living with a chronically low dopamine baseline feels like existing in grayscale while everyone else lives in color. Substances once felt like…