PS C:\> tar -xf 2025_Discover_My_Baseline_v1.zip
Application_Install.exe
Most of us spend our whole lives running on substances, behaviors, and patterns we never chose consciously. We medicate discomfort, chase dopamine, and never stop long enough to ask: who am I without all of this? The application here is simple, even if the install is hard. At some point, you have to let yourself go quiet. You have to stop feeding the noise long enough to hear what your actual baseline sounds like. That means getting honest about what you are using, why you are using it, and what you are afraid you will feel if you stop.
You do not have to quit everything at once. But you do have to get curious. What is your brain like when it is not being managed? What are your feelings like when they are not being numbed? What are you like, underneath all of it? Those questions are not easy. But they are the most important ones you will ever ask yourself. And you deserve to know the answers.
That is the application. The rest is the source code.
SourceCode.txt
The open-source code below is free, for you to analyze, modify, and build your own application with.
> the questions I finally had the guts to ask: baseline_query.sql
2025 will be the year that I discover my mental health baseline. I get to finally find the answer to some important questions about myself:
- Who am I without substances and addictive behaviors?
- What does my mental health look like without alcohol, cannabis, and kratom?
- What does my mental health look like if I am not constantly seeking the next dopamine hit?
- Who is my IFS part Roxy and what will her role and life be without me relying on her to avoid fear?
- Why am I consumed with so much fear all the time?
- Where does this fear come from? Is it even mine to carry or is it ancestral?
- Can I live in today’s world without fear and a steady stream of dopamine?
- How will I cope with my feelings without numbing them with my addictions?
- Can I survive life without feeding these addictions?
- What will I lose when I give up cannabis? What will I gain?
- What can I replace my addictions with that won’t become a new addiction?
> 94 visits and half a gallon a week: usage_logs.csv
For all but the first 13 days of this year I have been sober from alcohol and it has been challenging, especially at first. I didn’t just quit drinking alcohol, I also quit doing things that lead me to drinking, like partying. I learned a few months ago that in 2022/2023, I had been to the Wild Buffalo over 94 times (thank you Google Timeline). Each time I was good for 4-5 drinks. 60ish gallons of booze. Half a gallon a week. That’s on top of visiting 2-3 breweries a week.
I was doing this dance with a known depressant and carcinogenic substance while fighting depression, bipolar disorder, and complex PTSD. I was mixing it with my psychiatric medications. It was a bad combination and it caught up to me in late 2023 when I had a nervous breakdown. This breakdown ruined a special relationship and most notably, deeply hurt my soul. I had hit rock bottom yet again and the booze didn’t make it any better.
> it killed my father: fatal_exception.log
So I quit drinking. It’s just too risky. It killed my father. It kills 178,000 people a year in our country. I was going to be its next victim eventually. Further, there are no health benefits from any amount of alcohol. The negative mental health impacts were demonstrated to me many times before I finally put down the bottle. So far this year I have avoided 138,000 calories and my physical health continues to improve.
> learning everything I can about my brain: brain_scan_analysis.py
Back to 2025, I am going to learn all I can about my brain and the impacts addiction has had on it. I am going to deep dive into the negative impacts of cannabis, especially on the brain. My brain scans are going to bring me a wealth of information.
This is my mental health and addiction recovery process. It’s not just about sobriety, but looking inward for answers to the questions I have. It’s about learning everything I can about my brain and mental health, and using it to become my very best.
> you are not your addictions: open_source_recovery.md
Do you struggle with addictive things? Do you want to begin your recovery journey? Do you need support? Please reach out. I see you and I love you so much more than your addictions. There is a better way to go through life. Let’s join together and find community in our recovery journey!