PS C:\> tar -xf Been_A_Tad_Bumpy_v1.zip
Application_Install.exe
Life can be running beautifully and falling apart at the same time. Both things are true. The high moments don’t cancel out the crash, and the crash doesn’t erase the high moments. When a shame storm hits, it doesn’t care how good things were going. It will still nail you to the ground and make you feel like your whole world is gone. That is real. That is valid. And you are not alone in it.
The application here is simple: you don’t have to weather it alone. The people who love you may already be talking, already circling, already on their way. You might not be able to say the words yet. That’s okay. Let them show up. Let the tribe hold you when you can’t hold yourself. Joining hands with love and compassion, we can survive anything life throws at us.
That is the application. The rest is the source code.
SourceCode.txt
The open-source code below is free, for you to analyze, modify, and build your own application with.
> all systems nominal, until they weren't: uptime_report.log
The last few weeks have been some of the best times of my life. I became closer to an already close friend and have formed a new partnership. My existing partnership continues to get more amazing every day. My heart is so full. 🥰
I had some amazing mental health training. I met some great people on the streets. I walked a 17 mile day and reconnected with another close friend. Broke some personal fitness records. Been spending lots of really good quality time with my partners and friends. Eating better. Sleeping really well. Taking my meds. Feeling hopeful and excited about the future. Exploring new photography stuff. Launched a couple websites. IFS. Job is good. Relationships are solid.
> unhandled exception, system destabilized: shame_storm.crash
The last few weeks have also been a time of real struggle.
I quit improv class. Last week on Monday and Tuesday nailed me to the ground. A shame tornado ripped through my soul. I thought it couldn’t feel worse. Then the last shame hurricane pummeled through Wednesday night and Thursday morning. I talked to a crisis therapist. The eye passed over that afternoon and I thought it was over. The second and strongest wave passed Friday morning, and it devastated everything. My head was left spinning. I literally didn’t see it coming. I thought my world was gone.
> dependency resolved, rescue process initiated: friend_arrived.exe
That was until a friend showed up unexpectedly, and intentionally, that afternoon.
On my 199th day without smoking, I had a lit cigarette in my hand, and had already burned a half pack. He had coffee. He was there to check on me. In fact my closest people had been in talks most of the day to try to discern if and what kind of storm had hit me and what to do. I needed help and couldn’t say the words. They knew something was amiss. I was completely out of character.
I want to share that despite suffering a major mental health challenge, I never became a danger to myself or others. I was never suicidal. I had spiraled with shame into a very hard place. It felt like a crisis that nobody would understand.
> failover successful, tribe held the line: you_arent_alone.sys
Throughout these dark cold moody fall storms, my tribe has surrounded me with love and compassion. They have lifted me up. They understand pain and suffering. They get me. They remind me that I am still the same person I was before the storm. They emphasize that my core self remains unchanged. And they have let me know through words and actions that storms come and go. And we don’t have to weather them alone. We can weather it together. Joining hands with love and compassion we can survive anything life throws at us.
Struggling? I see you. I hear you. I love you. Let’s chat about it. Let’s #WeatherItTogether ❤️
❤️Tukayote❤️