“I was the life of every party, and the death of every relationship.”
This is My Recovery.
No Anesthesia.
No MALARKEY.
All love.
🥰
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A quiet moment on the beach turns into a reckoning with grief, not just for people lost, but for the version of myself that disappeared with sobriety. This is about mourning an old identity, honoring what it gave me, and choosing a truer life without pretending the grief ever fully ends.
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This is a snapshot of gratitude and awareness: 42 things I’m thankful for, unchanged over time, plus two additions that reflect where I am now. Standing at the edge of the water and examining fear itself, I explore how anxiety works, why fear isn’t always a threat, and how learning to observe it has brought more peace, curiosity, and presence into my life.
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I didn’t fade out. I didn’t take a break. I disappeared on purpose. I deleted everything. My websites, my social media, my personas, my performance. No announcement. No explanation. Just gone. A hard reset. It was definitly more avoidance. It was also partly intervention. I forward-deployed into a war with my own patterns, knowing full well it would cost me relationships, familiarity, and parts of my old life I once depended on. I burned bridges intentionally. Not to punish others, but to protect myself. The execution on November 17, 2025, was messy. The impact was real. I own the harm,…
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I was handed addiction, trauma, and loss before I ever had a choice, and I’ve spent my life cleaning up wreckage I didn’t create. This is a reflection on sobriety, accountability, grief, and the brutal resilience required to keep choosing yourself after everything falls apart. I’m still here. Still standing. Still moving forward, one honest day at a time.
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2025 wasn’t just another year. It was the year I took my life back. I broke patterns that had been running me since childhood, stopped performing, and learned how to trust myself again. This wasn’t survival; it was reclamation. I found real freedom in boundaries, honesty, and showing up as my full self without apology. 2025 closed a lot of doors on purpose, and opened the ones that actually matter. I’m stepping into 2026 clear, grounded, and writing the next chapter on my own terms.
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2025 was a big year behind the lens. Astrophotography near Baker. Infrared at Point Whitehorn. The pier. Bees on fireweed. Hawaii. California. Here are the shots that stuck.
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Took a 2400 mile solo road trip to Northern California. Worked my way up the Pacific Coast from San Francisco to the Oregon border. Cried a lot. Walked 150 miles. Went to the psych ward for two days. Kissed a beautiful stranger at midnight on New Year’s Eve. Took a couple selfies. A challenging and very transformative month with an amazing end!
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