> life_of_every_party.ps1
> death_of_every_relationship.ps1
> terminate_toxic_patterns.ps1
> initiate_leveling_up.ps1
>
My Recovery and Healing Server.
My Programming Language.
My Operating System.My Applications. My Syntax.
49 20 6C 6F 76 65 20 79 6F 75 2E
-
I have written a lot about what I burned down. The codependency. The enmeshment. The relationship decisions I kept making out of fear, not love. But here is the thing nobody really asks about: what survived? This is the inventory I never saw anyone else do. What the fire actually took. What it didn’t. What came back better than before. What showed up brand new. And what a state trooper on the side of a dark road at 11pm accidentally confirmed about all of it.
-
Awareness isn’t a step on the road to change. It is the entire road. Without it, you’re not on the road at all. You’re just in a field somewhere doing donuts in the dark. From peer support work to IFS parts work to a stormy Tuesday in Bellingham where I’m still processing a decision that cost me sixteen days of hard-won peace, this post is about the one thing that changes everything, and the one thing nobody can hand you. You have to earn the silence first. And then you have to let the silence show you the truth.
-
I spent three hours at the pier today. Pacing. Measuring. Flipping my camera completely upside down and taking eight shots to get one frame right. Deleting half of what I made and starting over without drama. And somewhere on that gravel beach with the tide out and the clouds doing their whole Pacific Northwest thing, I realized I was watching myself do exactly what I’ve been writing about for months. Same camera. Same pier. Completely different photographer. This is what it looks like when you stop shooting from the hip and actually do the work.
-
I took the Ricoh GR IIIx down to the Little Squalicum waterfront and spent a midday with the BNSF trestle, the tidal flats, and my favorite pier. Multiple exposure, 40mm, and the particular kind of thinking that only happens when you’re far enough out over the water that the shore stops mattering.
-
I need to tell you something about what healing actually looks like. Not the version people post about. Not the aesthetic. The real thing. The quiet, unglamorous, nobody-is-watching, random-Tuesday version of it. My last post was a big unnecessary explanation I should have never written. It’s the last one they’re getting. This one is about what actually happened instead – the unapologetically clean conscience, the cockroach energy, the freedom, and the completely unrecognizable human being who woke up one day and couldn’t believe his own life.
-
When you change in a way that is real and visible and costs you everything, some people will reach for a clinical word to explain it. Mania. Episode. Red flag. They are not doing it to help you. They are doing it because your transformation makes them uncomfortable, and a diagnosis is cleaner than accountability. Here is what they need to hear: doing the work and having a manic episode do not look the same. One runs from grief. The other sits inside it, every single day, on purpose, without numbing it. If someone in your life is pathologizing your…
-
People have been continuing to label and stigmatize me. For months. A lot of people. A lot of labels. And it hurts. They all seem to have a name for what I am doing in my life now. They are all wrong. Isolating. Manic. Avoidant. Lonely. Shutting down. Concerning. Worrying. Arrogant. Self-centered. Narcissist. The unsolicited diagnoses, labels, and opinions have been flying in from every direction, from people who love me, from people who don’t love me, from people who knew the old version of me well enough to notice that this version doesn’t look the same and decided that…
Trending Posts
Trending Tags
40mm accountability alcohol sobriety amends anxiety anxious attachment authenticity avoidance bellingham washington bipolar disorder black and white photography boundaries breakups cannabis sobriety childhood trauma codependency community courage CPTSD dance doing the work downtown bellingham ego death electronic music emotional sobriety estrangement family fatherhood fear fear of abandonment fear of loss of love fear of rejection freedom friendship full color photography gratitude grief guilt happiness healing healing journey identity transformation inner work integrity internal family systems joy kratom sobriety letting go little squalicum pier lived experience locust beach long distance walking loss love major life changes mental health mindfulness mindful photography monochrome music new beginnings no contact ocean therapy ownership Pacific Northwest parental wounding parts work patterns peace peer support performing personal growth photography platonic relationships psychiatric hospitalization psych meds psychosis radical acceptance recovery relationship damage relationships resilience Ricoh GRIIIX secure attachment self-compassion self-discovery self-love selfies shadow work shame slow photography sobriety sovereignty starting over transformation trauma truth unconditional love unrecognizable vulnerability
Subscribe to get the latest posts sent to your email