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My Recovery and Healing Mainframe.
> life_of_every_party.ps1
> death_of_every_relationship.ps1
> recovery.ps1
> healing.ps1
> love.ps1
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"If you could kick the person in the pants responsible for most of your trouble, you wouldn’t sit for a month."-Theodore Roosevelt
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Every morning I wake up, I get a blank canvas. A day that hasn’t been ruined yet. Full of potential. I can chase something, learn something, connect with someone, love myself a little better. Or I can waste it. Either way, I can’t go back. So today feels like a good day to go after it.
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For most of my life my answer to “how often do you practice self-love” was zero. I spent decades telling myself I was broken, unworthy, unlovable. Overweight, bipolar, estranged from my daughters, two failed marriages, nothing to show for my 30s. Then I tried something uncomfortable: I looked in the mirror and said “I love you, Tukayote.” And I listened to every awful thing my brain fired back. Then I wrote it all down. Then I found gratitude in every single one of them. That’s where it started.
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Three weeks without a cigarette. Four days without nicotine. That alone feels unreal. What’s even clearer now is why I smoked. It was never random. It was an escape from discomfort. I got hurt, and I relapsed. Over and over. Cigarettes became how I painted over boredom, stress, anxiety, even happiness. One hour at a time. Now I can finally see the pattern without being inside it. That changes everything. After twenty years, digging through those layers is brutal, but it’s honest work. I’ve avoided 321 cigarettes in 16 days. Thousands of cravings. Thousands of conscious no’s. This isn’t willpower.…
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